R: I’m really delighted the way it’s gone the last 3 tournaments that I played in. I said before that I would like to win two. Maybe I was a little bit too optimistic but I managed to win two. You know.. two at two. And there was the third one – there was the possibility but deep in my mind you know…I didn’t want to over exhaust myself. And I didn’t prepare for the one in (misto) for the one in Edinburgh. And I wasn’t sharp and you know…the consequences is that for every action there is a reaction and you know…I’ve got beat. But I wasn’t too disappointed because obviously the bigger picture is wanted to do while I was in Sheffield and I gave myself a poor season for this and to give myself thebestop..best possible opportunity and I needed some time just to go home and just nourish myself have some food and get my feet back on the ground and go to Sheffield you know.. ready
BBC: When you say ‘home’, what is home to you? With your mom? Or your own place?
R: I’ve got my own place but home is my mom as sort of you know everybody has a headquarters. And that is my headquarters. That’s where my table is, that’s where I do a lot of my exercise my training running round the golf court there and you know my mom is a fantastic cook so I get the best of everything while I’m there.
BBC: Favorite meal?
R: I really couldn’t say that is a favorite one. Because my mom she just cooks something different. I can’t remember having the same meal twice. You know I came a month before she just cook another lasagna or something you know…she’s…
BBC: I knew there’s a bit of Italian in there somewhere
R: Yeah, yeah there is a little bit. I wanna bet there And you know its great because you know…I get supported fantastically and she is a strong woman.. and you know…I look back and…you know…I’m … to my mom you have to dig deep she is a strong woman and hopefully I’ve got some of that inside of me as well.
BBC: Do you mind if we talk about your depression?
R: Not a problem at all you know I’m a … you know depression to me is an illness ...you sometimes feel that you know there’s something wrong with you that you don’t fit in. My self-esteem was so low on the ground because I was scared you know I was frightened. I used to suffer of a lot panic attacks. I could never put my finger on it you know… to say what it was and I always had what I thought of reasons you know I’m not playing well at snooker I’m its you know…this is why I’m depressed. I haven’t got you know… a right girlfriend that’s why I’m depressed
BBC: Is that sorted now?
R: Yeah, yeah that’s something that is you know… once I’ve started taking medication It sort of balanced it out a little bit you know.. and I see things more objectively rather than …you know…this you know and I just get my own life now and I’m enjoying life and you know.. it can only get better
BBC: When did you first begin to notice depression, whatever it is, cause people who haven’t had it don’t really understand it? When did you first thing that something is not quit right
R: It started happening when I was around 18-19 but I never… I wasn’t that bad you know I was clean even I kept myself ...bla bla bla and than I get suddenly more depressed I started to drink and the more I started smoke a bit of cannabis you know thinking it would probably pore me out of my depression which it did you know for a short periods of time but you know I used to wake up the next day and like I said for every action there is a reaction and I used to feel even more ruff the next day and that become sort of part of my life and I suddenly became half dependent on really just wanting to escape and when you you know escaping it means that you are in a place of for wanting to escape it means you are in a place you actually don’t wanna be you know.. I was… I felt like I was in a prison. It’s not like that anymore. I’m pleased of being there in a way because now everything seems that much better. But it really started to hit me when I was around 22 because by then it progressed another 4 years and you know I couldn’t really put my finger on it until 2001 when I went to see the doctor and he said to me you know do you suffer with libido? I didn’t know what it was libido My mate Dell … to me you know… your sex drive? and I went: I ‘ve always liked the opposite sex. but the girl that I was going out with at that time we hadn’t had sex for 8 weeks and she said to me: When are we gonna have sex? we hadn’t sex for 8 weeks. It made me feel really that it was something wrong with me and I thought maybe there is…
BBC: Not that long
R: Well, She didn’t think so I think she had a higher sex drive That’s probably what the problem was I was a little bit maybe I was a little bit…slow but than you know than he said when things happen you look at a glass that’s half empty instead glass of half full you know…..you know I wouldn’t have come to the doctors if it wasn’t for my mate Dell but you know…he’s such a supporting and a loving person that he just wanted to see the best for me and he recognized it from day one… you know he says you are not a drug addict you are not alcoholic he said I live with you for the 8 years he says. And Ron he says you suffer from depression he says and it’s an illness he says and you should be on medication
BBC: So when you went to see the doctor did you see a GP ( general practitioner) or did you actually see a psychiatrist ?
R: No. I’ve seen plenty of psychiatrists I was seeing 3 at once at one time you know cause I wanted to see one what works best for me and there were certain ones that felt better than others And than none of them said to me you know…They’ve always used to go back to my past you know what happened with my dad and my mom
BBC: You see that’s what the amateur psychologist and psychiatrist would say. They’d say look…Look what’s happened to your mom, look what’s happened to your dad went to prison committed a crime. It’s obvious you’re gonna feel bad about it
R: Yeah but I think that sometimes I have to say that you justify them doing what they have to do I’m not saying that they are not good at what they do But sometimes you know…they don’t want you to get well you know maybe they are just quite happy for you to come in and pay you a hundred pounds or 150 pounds an hour When basically all I that needed was some Prozac tablets just to balance me out It’s not like I was taking some sort of drug that was on the ban list or gets me high It doesn’t to any of that it actually just…I’m creating the chemical that I didn’t actually I created before
BBC: 150 quid an hour? Where did you go?
R: Yeah I mean I mean I was desperate you know I thought it was a little bit steep at the time but he was good he you know…you get what you paid for, he was the best at a lot of them but
BBC: So it was simply chemical do you think? So Prozac whatever makes you feel better? And you are still taking it now?
R: I’m still taking it now and I’m this is mine…I’ve been on it for 2 years now and like I said to you before there’s a friend of mine the one that helped me come off of it you know to weight myself off it you know I wouldn’t recommend it to anybody to think yeah I’m feeling great now I stopped taking the Prozac because you know my body has been used to having this sort of injection sort of every morning really some days I have to take 2
BBC: 1 a day and sometimes 2?
R: 1 a day and sometimes 2 but you know…I’ve come off of it at times when I thought I’m OK now and after week It really can have an effects on you because you are you are used to that chemical so we gonna try you know with the doctors help and with my friend we gonna go away and just sort of weight myself out of it and hopefully I could start the new season next year without any Prozac but now I have to I stay on it because it hasn’t done any harm
BBC: How will the World Championships affect you in that respect will it bring back some form of the illness because of the tension you are under?
R: No I mean I can go there really put myself under pressure I can really go there and really put so much meaning into it and so much emphasize really get but Is it gonna help me you know I can do that sort of stuff I can really get myself into that state if I wanted bur I don’t actually think it’s gonna do me any good. So what I’m gonna do is just go there be lite just be lite and be good to myself and just and just get lost in the moment you know any moment even if I it’s just sitting there watching the telly There’s no point thinking about something that you know isn’t gonna happen till tomorrow so just be lite really
BBC: What a good job you do what a good life you’ve got
R: yeah I mean I’m absolutely delighted sort of be doing that I love
BBC: and the talent a huge talent
R: Well it’s very, very kind of you to say that you know I believe everybody has a talent some people don’t actually find their talent Michael Schumacher was destined to be in a car and Tiger Woods was destined to be a golfer but you know there is many people at there that could equally if they’d found their talent could have been the same you know but you know I’m very lucky that you know I found something I enjoy and yeah I do have a talent but there’s also been it give me a chance to learn about myself as well as a person and every time I go there and play a match it doesn’t matter if I don’t play well but it’s how I react to a defeat or how I react to a win or a dodgy situation it’s about learning about myself
BBC: I know in your book you’ve you need to say things and you need to get things out and tell at it is but you were quite critical of Mark Williams weren’t you and you had this quite of public disagreement Do you think at ............. like now it was a sensible thing to do or again don’t you really care?
R: No, in a way because you know we were going to tournaments and it was like a game and I don’t like games you know I’m not into games I’m just at it to have fun enjoy what I do you know if you win – great if you lose – great you know just enjoy what you know we are there to play snooker that’s what we love doing it became a bit of a game and it was becoming a mental sort of thing I just say it how it was one day he’ll blank me the next day he will talk to me and you don’t actually know where you stand and when you don’t actually know where you stand you than become quite confused and than you start you know giving this person some of your energy and your focus and so he was winning the battle and you know by some I said I just being honest with my opinion of him I used to go on really well with him but you know to me he has changed maybe I’ve changed you know who knows you know it doesn’t really matter in the end of the day but the one thing I that we don’t get on
BBC: And you feel better to do it in public by the book rather than having a quit word with him
R: I’ve tried and there’s no hope you know I’ve really did put the work in I invested a little bit of my energy into sort of like you know found an amount congratulating him you know well done and you know good luck in the final and all this sort of stuff and you know it just didn’t make matters with him any better and I just thought you know why is it like this and I cannot took it personal and I don’t take it personal anymore I just take it as that’s the way it is but you know he is a top snooker player people wanna know what the relationships are like between me and other snooker players and I’ve been very you know honest if they’ve been nice, if they’ve been bad and it’s you know I might not like Mark Williams but his family likes him and you know he has the friends that like him so you know it’s not all bad it’s just mine and his relationship we don’t actually meet eye to eye and I think everybody know that when we play that there’s a little bit of a grudge there I’m much more pleased acting open rather than when it become just me and him
BBC: It’s gonna be an interesting match if you actually meet isn’t it
R: Yeah I mean I would be great again you know because you know he’s a good player and hopefully he’d bring the best out of me and I’d bring the best out of him and in the end of the day we both play at our best you know it’s who’s the best player and that’s where it lies and you know it’s not just about potting balls obviously it’s about potting the most balls but it’s who can be mentally tuff enough and I’m really looking forward to the challenge to being able to deal with that situation in a biggest arena there is with the biggest at stake you know I’m not gonna put any meaning into it I’m just going to go out there and treat it like a game I’m just exited again